Weekend Recap – Anniversary

Dear Readers

This is a very special post for me because it is a post of love, family and a lifetime.  It is also a recap of an event I’d hoped to strike off my Top 30 Under 30, so I thank God that it will be a good report. 🙂

Let me start by saying that my siblings and I will not be planning a surprise do for my folks anytime soon.  They are far smarter than the brains of all their children combined (children here being anyone they have taken under their wings in the past, including their younger siblings because they were all in on the conspiracy).

Let me then say that despite the effort it took to co-ordinate everything necessary for the event to unfold, there was no greater joy for us than to see our folks respond to the conspiratorial successes of their friends and family (including ladies jumping from behind a building on a cold Saturday night to sing for the ‘bride and groom’ as they arrived at the party).

Let me also say that if you’re planning a surprise party, it’s good to have a time in mind, and make arrangements to have the ‘surprisee’ at the venue 1 – 1.5 hours before the event’s commencement time.  Yes.  It often takes about that time to command all energies in said direction, and I say that with two days of experience in a single weekend (more of that coming up in a subsequent blog post).

After discovering that I needed to come up with a new strategy lie to get Mummy to the venue (I had charge of her for the day), I spent every thinking moment at the wedding doing the necessary.  Finally, I lied to her that I was emceeing at my friend’s brother’s graduation party and I needed her to tag along because my friend’s mum would be there.  I’m still surprised at how easily she bought into this cock-and-bull story hogwash, but God is full of surprises.  Thank you, God!  Finally, my dragging her along involved stopping by the market near Aga Khan to get watermelon for this salad.  It also involved walking up and down said market looking for long cucumbers because Mummy is a chef par excellence and she prefers long cucumbers to short ones.

After shopping, I managed to lose my Mummy in traffic!  No points for guessing how difficult it is to co-ordinate events from here.  Enter another random conversation:

Part I (Text Messages, reported verbatim)

W M: Mama, uko wapi? (Mama, where are you?)
Mum: SaUZ C CHOPPING THENTA (Hello Nyeri County accent)

Part II (In person, following 30 minutes of mental agony in preparation for a string of lies)
W M: I just spoke to Kui.  She says they are still setting up for the party.  I think we can have coffee here and then go to Milele Guest House
Mum: Doesn’t Milele Guest House have a restaurant?

W M: (Thanking God for darkness for dusk!) They do, but they close at 6.00 pm

We get into the restaurant, and after drinking what may be the most horrible tea in the world, I hear the following statement:

Mum: Wowee!!!  You wouldn’t believe who is here???  Aunt W of Thika!
W M: What a wonderful surprise!  Let me come and say hello
Mum: No.  You stay there and watch our handbags

Wharr???  Won’t the ground open up and swallow me now?

I ignored her response and promptly marched up to Aunt W and Uncle W because I needed to let them know that the event was still carrying the priceless Surprise tag.  They order tea (I offer to pay for their silence).

Aunt W: Waah!  This tea is for killing oneself.  (here, I translate literally and liberally.  Yes, the tea was that bad)

Small talk continues until I have to run out in a mad dash to tell my uncle that I have spotted him and his son, and I’m glad they saw us in good time to walk right past us and into the bar at the back of the restaurant.  Will an entrepreneur please open another restaurant?

Back to the final part of the conversation (at 1945h or thereabouts.  This being an important part of the story for the following reasons):

1. The party starts at 2000h
2. I have asked for the bill and told Mum we need to leave soon
3. Mummy loves to tell a good story

W M: It’s really good to see you, Auntie!  I keep telling Mum that we need to come and visit you.  That date must happen soon
Aunt W: Can you give me a date right now (she’s right on the mark here, as I am known for shifting goal posts)
W M: Mum?
Mum: We will call you.  We need to talk to akina Dad (Dad and your brothers) and agree on sometime during the holidays …

For purposes of brevity, I will leave out the transition from this part of the conversation to the part where Mummy begins to talk about the importance of taking a holiday.  2000h arrived, we’d paid the bill and were still listening to the story.

Having communicated the urgency of my assignment, I could not renege on my earlier utterances and say,

“I’ll wait for you to finish the story.”

Aunt W was now tasked with the noble assignment of steering Mummy in the direction of the party.  Aunt W, you and Uncle rock big time!  Thank you for bearing the brunt of telling Mum that you needed to leave because it takes three hours to drive to Thika!

Sneak peek:

Gibel Photography

About Wa Makeri

Living Life. Loving It.

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