The Art of MisCommunication

These weekends are flying by so quickly I don’t know what I’m going to do with all those weekend recaps that I have not posted.  The only one I’ve promised to post is about the day I made ratatouille for our monthly family get-together.  That was the day we went to Gerbera’s house and she discovered that young at heart is a very important phrase to remember.

A few weeks after that, Mrs. Babes and I went to Gerbera’s for tea, and we had a ball.  There was chocolate cake, mahamri, tea scones with whipped cream and strawberries …!  If she re-invited me, I would be there in a heartbeat.

While we were there, we had a conversation about Safaricom.  That Thursday, we made a concerted effort to get to the bottom of the problem:

• We wrote to Safaricom and got a passionate response that read in part,

“(I) read the blog and your pal is a victim of costly spam from a rogue Content Service Provider. I have escalated it to the relevant team and that short-code will likely be suspended. We take very stern action on them if they do this sort of thing and welcome feedback from customers because from our end we may not know that they did not subscribe to the service.

Please send through the affected number to assist in follow up.”

• We wrote to the Communications Commission of Kenya and received the most ridiculous response that one can expect from a Commission that boasts the word COMMUNICATION as part of its mandate.

“The Commission has noted your complaint here below.

The Commission wishes to advise you that the procedure requires that you first send your complaint to your service provider and provide proof. Safaricom’s contact is:

customercare@safaricom.co.ke

In case you fail to obtain a satisfactory resolution within a reasonable period of time, then you may revert to the Commission for regulatory intervention.

Thank you for your request.

CCK Consumer Affairs Team”

1. I ask, how much would it cost the CCK Consumer Affairs Team to write a custom email that talks about the steps a consumer can take to get the issue corrected with their service providers?  NOTHING
2. How much is the government collectively investing in training their officers on  Customer Service?  MILLIONS
3. What customer satisfaction rate are government agencies chasing for their performance contracting reports?  100%

May I also point out that like goals, it is important to have SMART guidelines whenever you require action from another party.  The phrase ‘a reasonable amount of time’ is not SMART.  Pun also intended. 🙂

Seven Wants

This. one. was. TOUGH.  First, I understand the meaning of the word want, but what does the phrase seven wants really mean?  If I use the English I’ve learnt for the last 27 years or so, Seven would be the subject, want would be the object and the sentence would be incomplete.  So, I could just complete the sentence and say seven wants eight.  Hehe.  I humour myself.

Alternatively, I could use the dictionary definition.  Because we use British English, I may not be permitted to use the word want for whatever I want to say in this post.  (Pun intended).

Thirdly and finally, I could use Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs (because according to some definitions, a want is equal to a need).

http://www.simplygiftideas.co.uk

So I really have no particular wants according to any of the definitions I was able to collect on this delightful Friday, but I have wants all the same.  Ladies and gentleman – my dear blog followers – I present to you, my seven wants!  I want:

1. Nairobi Hospital and Barclays Bank to improve their customer service.  Kenya Airways used to be on this list, but I haven’t used them in a while.  They are off the hook for now, although I understand their passengers have had to deal with quite a number of flight delays in the recent past.
2. You, my fellow Kenyan, to think long and hard about whom you will vote for in next year’s elections and why.
3. Kenyan drivers (including GK vehicle drivers, matatu drivers and City Hoppa drivers) who love to show their might on the roads to stop overlapping, thinking they are in more of a hurry than I am or clogging roundabouts and other exits.  In other words, I want Kenyan drivers to heed this warning:
   

   http://funnywallpapers.in

4. To travel.  Anywhere.  Everywhere.  With money. 🙂
5. To book 12 events for which I will be the MC in 2012
6. To eat at Talisman or About Thyme before 31st December 2012
7. The entire collection of the following series: Mind Your Language; Friends; Tom and Jerry.

Happy Friday, everyone!  Happy weekend too.

Hail the Kenyan Customer – Part II

My Dear Readers

When I wrote this post, I did not imagine that there would be a part 2.  However, there is a part 2.  Life happens.

We held the cocktail party yesterday, and our guests were delighted about the food and the programme.  However, the eventual success of the event should not be an indicator that the ship sailed smoothly.  I present you a brief synopsis.

1. Our team leader’s first meeting with the chef involved the now-sort-of-famous debate on the anatomy of a chicken
2. Following this meeting, there were numerous discussions (online and offline) between ourselves and our hosts, regarding the planning of the meeting, and the room that we would have allocated to us
3. We get to the venue yesterday and, Lo and Behold!  Not only had our hosts re-allocated our room, but they had not PREPARED THE BITINGS!  Reason?  We should have paid a cash deposit.  At no point in our conversations had they indicated that this was a requirement for their planning.
4. More than half an hour was spent in ping-pong.  Largely because the opponent has mastered the tactic called pass-the-buck.
5. Finally, we had to have the cocktail in our small room, with bitings and drinks served outside.  This worked, but it was not what we had asked for!

This organisation is not the only one that has let us down on the planning arena.  Last month we held the Toastmasters Debate at another venue and they eventually put us in a room we had not asked for, because the room they had allocated to us had guests who had booked an earlier function and run late.  The hall we eventually held the debate in did not serve our purpose because some participants had their view obstructed by the big pillars in the room.

Today, I will be sending a letter to one of Kenya’s largest banks, requesting that they delete my name from any database that they may use for marketing purposes.  I am so fed up with their customer service that I would not consider a job offer from them, unless they offered me a job in customer service.  And the only reason I would take it is because I’d like to be the change I want to see.  Regarding the bank, your guess may be as good as mine.  I have not heard one person indicate that they were completely satisfied by the service offered by said bank (not even staffers or former staffers).

My question for you:
Are you doing everything you can to ensure that your customer is happy with whatever services they are expecting from you?

Have a change-making day, dear readers!

Hail the Kenyan Customer!

Yesterday was an interesting day!

1. My colleagues and I were in a building where we weren’t allowed to exit from the barrier that ‘lets cars in’ (English is hard).  Granted, there is a pedestrian exit.  However, it was far, my colleague was in high heels AND the ground was uneven.  I postulated the theory that because there were four of us, we represented four wheels of the ‘vehicle of development’ and could qualify as a vehicle.  It did not work, but I should not be accused of not trying.
2. We proceeded to another building where my male colleagues were frisked and we ladies were not.  I am still struggling with the basis of that logic.

   Meanwhile, in Eldie, I was going to a mall in a hired taxi.  (I say this in full recognition of the fact that if it was a taxi, it was hired).  Anyhoo, the driver had to get out of the car, be frisked, have his boot inspected THEN drive past the barrier.

3. We are trying to organise a cocktail party for 22nd November.  Surely, convincing a chef that chicken wings and drumsticks are distinctly different should NOT be rocket science.

Am I talking to somebody?